My mind is a crazy place. Though I do my best to appear sane on the outside, inside my mind rambles on and on about unimportant things and is often beyond my control. I can’t turn it off when I want to go to sleep. I can’t make it be reasonable when I know it is being unreasonable, and most of all I can’t stop it worrying – about everything.
It exhausts me sometimes. I’ve always been able to get lost in my thoughts, for a long time if I have the time, which unfortunately this summer I do. My grandmother thought something was wrong with me as a kid because I would stare off into space, not realizing I was staring at a wall.
I think the same thoughts again and again and because many of my thoughts are worries, I find myself a bit tense most of the time.
I worry about all kinds of things. A few are actually important: next fall, my family, my future, the paper. But most are useless things to worry about: is that old man at the gym staring at me and judging me, are the sirens I hear when I fall asleep at night real or imagined, is the sunburn on my shoulders going to lead to skin cancer later in my life, since I try to make most of my posts fairly upbeat is this going to come across as too serious.
It’s easy to laugh at these thoughts and I do. I can laugh at my crazy mind. But that doesn’t make it any more sane. I imagine this is probably why I like to stay busy all the time. It saves me from myself and gives my incessant thoughts a purpose.
Too bad it’s summer in Pullman.
1 Comment
July 9, 2008 at 12:38 am
That is why I am here. I help you know when you are being reasonable, but mostly when you are not. And then we laugh.